Kintsugi for Your Mind: Repairing Your Inner Cracks with the Power of Writing

Kintsugi, the ancient Japanese art of "golden repair," transforms broken pottery. Rather than discarding a fractured vase, artisans mend its cracks with lacquer dusted with precious gold, silver, or platinum. The damage isn't hidden; it's highlighted, becoming a unique and beautiful part of the object's story.

What if we could treat the perceived "broken" parts within ourselves with the same care? This philosophy beautifully applies to understanding our 'Saboteurs' – those inner voices that create self-doubt, stress, and frustration, often stemming from old survival strategies.

The concept of 'Saboteurs' is a core component of the Positive Intelligence (PQ) framework, developed by Stanford lecturer and author Shirzad Chamine. These are the automatic mental patterns that generate negative emotions as we navigate life’s challenges. They are the root cause of much of our stress, anxiety, and unhappiness.

But here's the good news: Writing is your golden lacquer. Through the power of the written word, we can illuminate these internal cracks, understand their origins, and begin the process of "golden repair" for our minds.

Meet Your Inner Saboteurs: And How Writing Helps You See Them

Below is a description of a few common Saboteur profiles. As you read, notice where you find yourself most –when I took the Positive Intelligence assessment, my primarily Saboteur was the Hyper-Rational. Then, consider how journaling can become your prime tool for detection and conscious response.

1. The Hyper-Rational

• The Voice: "Logic above all else. Watches the craziness of illogical thinking and can lose track of time due to intense concentration on task at hand."

• Characteristics: An intensely active, analytical mind; prefers logical over emotional engagement; Private but can seem intellectually arrogant; Anxious about preserving personal time, energy, and resources. While capable of profound insight, this Saboteur can intimidate others and lead to a detached inner world.

• Survival Origin: Often an escape into intellect during childhood emotional turmoil or chaos, creating a sense of security and safety.

• Your Golden Repair (Through Writing):

  
  

Questioning Logic: Journal about the feelings behind a purely logical decision. What emotions are you actively avoiding or you need to accept?

Exploring Connection: Write about how your analytical observations impact your relationships. Where do you wish for deeper emotional connection?

Bridging the Gap: Use creative writing (e.g., a short story) to imagine a scenario where logic and emotion work together to solve a problem.

2. The Controller

• The Voice: "I must control others and outcomes. If I don't, things will fall apart, or I'll be controlled."

• Characteristics: Driven by a need for control, connects through challenge and competition; can be confrontational and intimidating; gets results, but often at the cost of resentment from others. Prone to high anxiety when things don't go their way.

• Survival Origin: A childhood where taking charge of chaotic or dangerous surroundings was essential for physical or emotional survival, leading to a fear of vulnerability.

• Your Golden Repair (Through Writing):

  
  

Surrendering Control: Journal about a situation where you deliberately let go of control. What fears arose? What was the actual outcome?

Exploring Softness: Write about your desire for connection. How might expressing vulnerability feel? Write how can you actively accept and respect others perspectives?

Impact on Others: Reflect on specific instances where your need for control impacted others. What emotions might they have felt? How might that have been detrimental to you as well?

3. The Hyper-Achiever

• The Voice: "I must be the best. My worth is tied to my success and others' perception of me. Feelings get in the way."

• Characteristics: Highly competitive, image- and status-conscious; adept at covering insecurities; prioritises public image over introspection; can feel empty or depressed inside, but avoids dwelling there.

• Survival Origin: Self-validation and acceptance were conditioned on performance in childhood, often due to conditional or absent parental validation.

  
  

• Your Golden Repair (Through Writing):

  
  

Defining "Enough": Journal about what "success" truly means to you, beyond external validation. What would "enough" feel like?

Uncovering True Feelings: Use free-flow writing to explore those "empty" or "depressed" feelings without judgment. What lies beneath them?

Authentic Self: Write about a time you felt truly worthy, irrespective of achievement. What did that feel like?

4. The Stickler

• The Voice: "It must be perfect, or it's not worth doing. I know the right way. Mistakes are unacceptable."

• Characteristics: Driven by perfectionism and a need for extreme order; highly critical of self and others; irritable, tense, and opinionated; sensitive to criticism. Experiences constant frustration with unmet ideal standards.

• Survival Origin: Perfection and order offered temporary relief or acceptance in a chaotic family dynamic, or earned attention from demanding parents.

• Your Golden Repair (Through Writing):

  
  

Embracing Imperfection: Journal about a "mistake" you made and a positive outcome that emerged from it. What did you learn?

The "Good Enough": Write about a task completed to "good enough" standards. How did it feel? What did it free up time for?

Flexibility & Flow: Explore how a bit more flexibility could reduce anxiety in your life. Where can you loosen the reins? How that flexibility will be more inclusive of others?

5. The Victim

• The Voice: "Poor me. I am uniquely disadvantaged, no one understands me. Terrible things always happen to me. I wish someone would rescue me."

• Characteristics: Emotional and temperamental, often to gain attention; extreme focus on painful internal feelings; prone to withdrawing or giving up when criticised; can unconsciously attach to having difficulties and fears abandonment.

• Survival Origin: A childhood experience of not feeling seen or accepted, leading to a belief that something is inherently wrong, and that evoking sympathy is a way to gain affection.

• Your Golden Repair (Through Writing):

Shifting Perspective: Journal about a challenge, then intentionally reframe it as an opportunity for strength or learning.

Empowerment: Write about a time you overcame a difficulty through your own actions. How did that feel? What holds you back from taking action when you know you are capable?

Expressing Needs Directly: Practice writing out your needs and desires clearly, without relying on others to infer them from your pain. Write how you personally will achieve them by taking responsibility for what you want and then create a plan for it.

6. The Pleaser

• The Voice: "To be a good person, I must put others' needs first. I must help and earn acceptance. The world would be a better place if everyone did the same." 

• Characteristics: Strong need to be liked; gains acceptance by helping, pleasing, rescuing, or flattering; struggles to express own needs directly, leading to resentment.

• Survival Origin: Tries to earn attention/acceptance by helping. This can lead to others developing dependence rather than autonomy, or feeling obligated; it also stems from the assumption that one's own needs must be earned or put aside.

  
  

Your Golden Repair (Through Writing):

• Defining Boundaries: Journal about a situation where you felt taken advantage of. What boundary could you have set? Practice writing that boundary.

• Your Own Needs: Dedicate a journal entry solely to your needs, desires, and self-care. What would make you feel nourished?

• Authentic Connection: Reflect on who truly accepts you for who you are, not just what you do for them.
  

7. The Avoider

• The Voice: "This is too unpleasant. If I ignore it, it will go away. Conflict is bad."

• Characteristics: Focuses on the positive to an extreme, avoiding difficult tasks, conflicts, and unpleasant emotions; procrastinates; resists directly through passive aggression; maintains superficial relationships.

• Survival Origin: Could come from a childhood where difficult emotions weren't handled well, or where avoiding conflict served as a peacemaker role in a tense environment.

  
  

• Your Golden Repair (Through Writing):

  
  

  Facing the Unpleasant: Journal about a difficult task or conversation you're avoiding. Break it down into smaller, manageable steps in writing.

  Healthy Conflict: Explore the potential positive outcomes of addressing a conflict directly and constructively.

  Emotional Honesty: Write about the suppressed anger or resentment you might feel. Giving it words can release its hold.

  8. The Hyper-Vigilant

  
  

• The Voice: "DANGER! What could go wrong? Everyone is unreliable and they might hurt me. I must be constantly alert."

• Characteristics: Continuous, intense anxiety; chronic self-doubt and suspicion of others; highly sensitive to danger signals; constant expectation of mishap. May seek reassurance in rules but struggle to truly follow the rules and trust others. Draining to self and others.

• Survival Origin: Often from early experiences with unpredictable, unreliable sources of safety, or painful unexpected events proving life to be threatening.

  
  

• Your Golden Repair (Through Writing):

  
  

Externalising Fears: Journal about your worst-case scenarios. Putting them on paper can often reveal how unlikely or manageable they truly are.

Challenging Assumptions: For each "danger signal," write down the actual evidence (or lack thereof) to support it. What could go right?

Finding Safe Ground: Use writing to identify sources of genuine security and comfort in your life, no matter how small. Focus on gratitude for things that are reliable.

Releasing the Burden: Practice "brain dumping" all worries into your journal, then consciously decide to leave them there for a set period, giving yourself a mental break.

Your Golden Repair: Journaling for Saboteur Awareness

Understanding your Saboteurs isn't about shaming yourself; it's about building awareness so you can choose a different, more effective response. Like Kintsugi, we're not hiding the cracks, but making them beautiful with gold.

This is where writing becomes your most powerful tool.

• Identification: Regularly writing about your thoughts, feelings, and reactions helps you spot patterns and identify which Saboteur is hijacking your mind.

• Disentanglement: By putting words to these voices, you create a healthy distance. You observe the Saboteur, rather than being controlled by it.

• Sage Activation: Journaling helps you access your "Sage" — your inner wisdom, empathy, and clarity — which can then respond to challenges with resourcefulness and calm.

Ready to start your own golden repair? Head over to Grafto for guided prompts and a free-flow safe writing space. Don't let your inner critics hold you back. Start building awareness, one powerful word at a time.