Find Your Unshakeable Core: A Writing Guide to Defining Your Values & Standards

In life, we sometimes find ourselves in situations where we feel treated unfairly or not in alignment with our expectations. Whether in professional or personal settings, these moments can take a toll on our wellbeing. A crucial step to navigating such experiences is to clearly define our individual values and standards, which are deeply personal.

When we compromise them, a sense of unhappiness can emerge, signalling a disconnect from our authentic self. Ignoring these inner signals can significantly affect our wellbeing and even our health, making us feel as though we are giving away parts of ourselves we never intended to. What feels normal and right for one person may not for another, as people's background situations are never identical. We live in a world of comparisons, yet these are often futile and irrelevant upon closer examination, so honouring our values is always best, as the saying goes: 'when in doubt, trust yourself.'

There is beauty in having different values, just as there is beauty in honouring ours. Sometimes we learn or borrow from others, and sometimes we remain true to our own, if those are the ones that truly resonate with us.

At its heart, values are a system of principles that are fundamental to us and the life we aspire to live. While defining them might not always be easy, the act of writing them down is a powerful exercise. These could include qualities like freedom of expression, honesty, integrity, connection, teamwork, open communication, joy, laughter – the possibilities are extensive. Our values are not just words we throw into the wind out of boredom; they should be a core part of our behaviours.

To begin, consider what is truly important to you and what your absolute non-negotiables are. Take a moment now to list five core values that resonate most with you. Why are these non-negotiable? How are you integrating these values into your daily life? How are you taking ownership for what you want and how you choose to live?

Sometimes, these values are forged through challenging life lessons or situations we disliked. For instance, if early experiences required us to constantly over-function for others, we might now seek partnerships based on mutual contribution. If you find yourself in a situation where someone isn't pulling their weight and expects you to save the day, making you feel overwhelmed, recognising that this is unsustainable can be a powerful catalyst.

In such moments, you might lose respect for yourself and them, and feel a sense of being unnecessarily burdened. Writing about these feelings can help you uncover the deeper values that are being compromised. Acknowledging that everyone is capable beyond imagination, and honouring your own capacity, helps you define standards that create healthier dynamics in your life.

Establishing these criteria is key to understanding ourselves deeply and contributing more positively to the world around us.

Living by our core values, and respecting them, allows us to look at ourselves with pride and authenticity. These standards are not for outward show; they are about maintaining integrity even when no one is watching. Often, unhappiness arises when these core values are violated.

In such moments, acknowledging this violation and, if possible, removing ourselves from those situations is crucial for our emotional health. Recognising our mistakes, taking accountability, and even feeling embarrassed about past choices are all signs of growth. Worrying about what others are doing is neither constructive nor empowering. Instead, staying true to ourselves and engaging in visceral honesty keeps us on the right track.

We can regularly ask ourselves: Am I living in alignment with my values right now? If not, what obstacles are preventing me? What actions can I take to realign myself? Think of one small action you can write down and commit to today that brings you closer to your core values. Am I constructive in my actions? Am I a good human being?

When we recognise that we are living authentically, it brings a sense of profound satisfaction. Even on days when we stumble—because to make mistakes is human—we can still feel proud of who we are and our commitment to our core self.

The closer we are to our unshakeable core, the easier it becomes to set healthy boundaries and make choices that truly serve us. This self-alignment not only benefits us individually but also allows us to engage more positively with others, creating better outcomes for all involved. When we cultivate our own happiness, it naturally extends outward, fostering a healthier way of living for everyone. Being or thriving to be a better human being is not an easy journey but one defined by our daily actions and choices, which is always easier to measure.

Embrace writing as your guide to discovering and solidifying your personal standards. It’s a powerful path to self-awareness, authentic living, and lasting wellbeing. Ready to define your unshakeable core and unlock lasting wellbeing? Visit Grafto.com and start writing your standards today.