Boundary Lines: The Power of Writing

You might ask first of all what are boundaries and why write them? No, they are not connections although the word is a bit of a false friend. The concept of boundaries has gained significant traction, particularly as global awareness shifts towards personal wellbeing.

Boundaries are essentially protective systems for our personal and mental space. They can be physical or emotional and serve to define appropriate behaviours in interpersonal interactions. I recall a beautiful description of a boundary as the space where we can connect with others while simultaneously maintaining our sense of self, in practical terms if we don’t want to hate others let’s start with ourselves. I like to think of boundaries as unwavering pillars within our being, connected with our values and designed for our protection, like little angels around us. Boundaries possess a steadfastness akin to the rocks we observe at the sea – resilient and unmoved by the water's currents, the wind's force, or the ebb and flow.

It's crucial to distinguish between likes, preferences, and boundaries. Boundaries are not nice to have, although having them is pretty nice. It makes your life shockingly easier and brighter like the sun. If the sun would talk (and let's be honest, that would be a wild day), it would definitely be rooting for you on the sideline: Write your boundaries! (This does sound like sound advice), and once established, try not to negotiate them. As then you will start to see the clouds again, and the sun likes it to be the star of the sky.

When establishing a boundary, it's vital to link it to specific actions, whether our own or those of others. Clarity is what makes our life easy and although we are all tempted to overcomplicate for the sake of it of course, let’s try something outrageous and not do that. The structure you could write is: if X occurs, then this action will follow or is currently in effect.

Sometimes, individuals may resist or struggle to respect our boundaries for various reasons. These can range from a lack of emotional maturity to underlying psychological disorders, difficulties in seeking professional help, the impact of personal traumas or perhaps they have a different understanding of interpersonal dynamics. While understanding and having compassion for someone's behaviour is important, the reasons behind their actions are not the primary concern when it comes to upholding our boundaries. I understand that establishing and maintaining boundaries can be difficult as we don’t want to upset people. While we can all aim to be more like Dalai Lama one day, in a practical world maybe today is not that day. Our boundaries are not about punishing others; they are solely about protecting ourselves, which I am sure Dalai Lama would approve.

When someone reacts strongly to our needs and boundaries, perceiving them as an attack in the wild wild west, it often indicates a dysfunction in their own system. While it’s understandable they get their own value from their behaviours, accommodating interpersonal relationships are about a common ground. We can all do what we want if we were living on a deserted island but in case you were questioning you are not an island.

If you are on the side of not respecting someone’s boundaries, ask yourself why? I thought we established the island concept. If you are on the side of setting a boundary it's crucial that we consistently follow through with the actions we've defined. After clearly communicating our boundaries, if individuals attempt to manipulate, negotiate or talk their way out of them, our focus should remain firmly on the established actions. Like I thought we had this conversation already or was I again the only person present?

This approach makes it easier for us to maintain our boundaries and, over time, helps others learn to respect our individual needs and allow us to be ourselves, rather than conforming to their fantasy expectations.

So, if you're ready to learn how to establish healthy boundaries for yourself, head over to Grafto and follow our prompts.